If you’re like me you closely follow bodybuilding, almost too close. I listen to Heavy Muscle Radio, watch the prejudging and night shows on the Bodybuilding.com Olympia and Arnold webcast, and scroll through 15 pages on the message board play by play just to get Dave or Chris’ up to the minute opinion if Toney Freeman is ‘on’ or ‘off’ in the 1 of 12 different contests the 46 year old does in a calendar year; it borderlines on obsessive compulsive. But being OCD is what all bodybuilders can relate to. In our own little short bus kind of way, we’re all completely nuts.
When we go on vacation we can’t just pack a bag, book a flight and hotel room, and off we go. We have to plan! “I’ll be gone 5 days so that’s 5 regular shirts, 5 gym shirts, extra underwear and socks, strategically saved ‘my strong day’ for the first day at the gym so everyone can see me lift more than anyone else, should I pack my supplements with my clothes or in another bag?” Then there’s the food. “What am I going to do about food? Should I precook all my meals and put them in Tupperware, no that’s too bulky, plastic bags it is. Five days gone so I’ll cook 4 chicken meals per day, 10 ounces each in Zip Lock bags, but will they let me on the plane with the food? I need to save at least 1 bag of chicken for at the airport because I don’t want to be starving on the plane. I guess the other days I’ll just order something out.” And we can’t just sit in a regular seat. “It has to be an exit row seat. Aisle seating would work too, but I just trained legs and my knees are aching and the tray table won’t rest flat because my quads are too big. Oh and don’t even think about taking the middle seat you fat ass old lady I will eye gouge you and drop a huge protein fart without thinking twice about it.” And just the thought of vacation alone gives me anxiety. “Once I’m there I can’t be out doing something that makes me go longer than 3 hours without eating. Don’t make me be too active, insert hiking, kayaking, skiing, and scuba diving, I might burn too many calories which would lead me to have less energy at the gym later.” No wonder my idea of a vacation is going to the Olympia and Arnold Expo.
The bodybuilders OCD goes beyond vacations. I can’t even go to the movie with my girlfriend without having to sit on the left side aisle to stretch out my arthritic knees. And oh wait, I’m on a keto diet, guess that means I’ll have to eat my fajitas at Chili’s without the tortilla. And before we even get to dinner I’ve got to have a chicken meal before I leave the house so I’ve pre-exhausted my appetite. What’s worse is these weird bodybuilder quirks are so normal that we forget we do them in public. I’ll never forget when I saw “Raising the Bar” the first time. Dave Pulcinella at a family dinner and they all look at him as though he’s an alien from another planet. After all, there’s a reason “The 6 Foods That Work” has almost 400,000 YouTube views, whether you’re Jay Cutler or just a gym guy, we’re all in the same spectrum of weirdness. Evan Centopani won’t eat from a plastic Tupperware, it has to be glassware because somehow the plastic will contaminate him more than the tren? Hmm, sure thing Ev.
And how do you know we’re weird? Go to Christmas or a Fourth of July outing with your family and they’ll tell you. My Mom still thinks I’m nuts for eating on schedule, going to the gym on Christmas, and having the same exact meal, 6 times per day for nearly half my life. Ok, the last one is a bit of a stretch, but you get the point. Our families just do not understand what and why, we do what we do.
The madness continues, I’ve watched nearly every Jay Cutler, Kai Greene, Ronnie Coleman, Phil Heath, and Zhasni Bodybuilding Motivational YouTube video known to man – especially preworkout while I’m sipping on Jack3d or NO Xplode. Yeah don’t lie, you all have too! I can’t understand how my girlfriend can go all day without taking a shit and I am on the pot 5 times a day. Ironically I’ve heard Guy Cisternino writes down in his journal the smell and texture of each dump – true story. I can’t figure out why watching Broke Back Mountain is gay, but watching bodybuilding and men’s physique isn’t. And why do I go through a skillet every 6 months, but my grandma has had the same one her entire life?
Bodybuilder OCD is what makes bodybuilding special. It’s what separates us. I know I’m weird, but at least I know I’m not alone.
