I DO’s and I DONT’s
So you compete and he doesn’t...what now...?
When they met us at the altar and agreed to stick it out “for better or for worse,” little did they know what they were committing themselves to! Yes, I am talking about the unsuspecting husbands of competitors. You know…the ones who endure our “weird” eating habits, crazy schedules, and “occasional” mood swings during our quest for the Holy Grail in competing…the personal satisfaction of walking out on that stage and rocking it!!
My husband certainly didn’t marry a competitor, or even a fitness enthusiast for that matter. As a matter of fact, we had been married for MANY (don’t want to age myself here) years before I found my true passion and fell in love with competing. Our marriage is a perfect example of that old saying, “You never know what cards we are going to be dealt.” In our case, a figure competitor is what he has ended up with. Poor unsuspecting, but ever so patient (and luck some would say…hehee) husband!
I have to start by stating that I am very lucky to have a husband who supports me 100% in my fitness endeavors and is certainly my biggest fan! But, even though he supports and admires what I do, it can be taxing to be married to a competitor. So with that in mind, let’s explore a few helpful “do’s and don’ts” I have learned through experience, as well as advice from fellow competitors, that can help maintain a calming balance for that spouse who does not walk the stage?
DON’T let your mood swings affect your marriage. We all get a little more stressed when in contest preparation. It is natural to feel overwhelmed while trying to balance daily activities with the added responsibility of stringent workouts and carefully following a strict diet. So step back and take a deep breath when you feel that you are reaching your limits. Take a moment to gather yourself before reacting or acting in a way that affects that poor unsuspecting husband.
DO apologize when the kettle boils over and it accidentally spills onto your significant other. It is easy to take our frustrations out on the person we are closest to. When you make that mistake, make sure you rectify it with a sincere apology.
DON’T feel like you have to neglect your diet just to make him happy. It is not required that you sit and eat pizza with your man. But at the same time, understand that he should not have to give up his Friday night pizza or beer and wings while watching Monday night football either!
DO sit with your significant other and eat your cold chicken while he enjoys the food of his choice! You don’t have to be absent. In most cases he wants your company (debatable I know!). Remember, it’s not his fault you chose to compete!
DON’T neglect your daily responsibilities towards him or your household/family. The world doesn’t stop just because you are competing. Unfortunately, dishes still need to be washed and toilets must get scrubbed!
DO carve out time for household/family responsibilities. Pencil it into your agenda. Plug it into your iPhone. Do whatever you need to do to make sure it gets done! Make sure time is set aside just for HIM! I know this can be hard at times, but the effort does not go unnoticed and often pays dividends (hehe).
DO have confidence…but DON”T act like a high maintenance DIVA! The world does not revolve around you, so don’t act like it does. That is a sure fire way to turn those around you off and your man against your decision to compete! You want and need their support at this time, especially HIS! It just makes prep so much easier when a support system is in place! At the same time, realize that as you continue on your fitness journey, there will surely be those who become jealous of the attention you will receive. It is odd how many of those who knew you before you started competing will become “haters,” while total strangers are the ones who will complement you on your physique and dedication. There is nothing you can do about this. Realize that up front and move on. But most importantly, remember to put maximum effort into your relationship with your significant other.
DO realize that you are carving out a lot of time and utilizing a lot of resources (i.e. green backs) for your own goals! Make sure you show him you appreciate that he shares you with the sport!! It is very time consuming and it does take away from the precious time you could have with him! Include him in as much of the process as he would like! My husband is my biggest supporter and will juggle kids, bikini bite my butt, take loads of pictures, and scream his lungs out in the audience. Nothing is more special than that!
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