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Published on Thursday, 13 December 2012 21:31
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Written by Tina Goinarov
STAND BY ME?
Having the Support of Friends and Family While Going Through Competition Prep: Part 1
"I want to be a Princess. Yes dear. I want to be a Super Hero. Yes dear... Mom, do you think I can be anything I want? Yes dear..."
As we go through life and walk along the path of choices and challenges it offers, we are usually surrounded by a group of people, family and/or friends who will be there for us and with us, to support and believe in what we do. Our own personal group of cheerleaders so to speak, that want to see us see our hopes and dreams come true. As time goes on and we as individuals continue to pursue and chase these dreams we desire, and find out that we are good at it, and even quite successful, it seems that our personal cheerleaders can change their support routine.
We have all been there at some point in our lives. Doing something that we have always wanted to do or dreamed of and there are a group of friends or family members that are either in our corner 100% and mean it, the group that say they are behind us and support us, but in actuality they are talking negatively about our decisions or us, and then there is the final group that does not stand behind us at all. This is the group that tells us that it is a waste of time and tries to talk us out of it. This is the group that will do anything to make you believe that you are not capable or able to do the task at hand. How is it that we find these friends in our group, if we tend to choose people who are like us and how is it that family would be willing to not support us and our choices. Each of us knows that we need friends and family to feel good about ourselves and our choices in life, after all, these are the people we turn to for support, comfort and an ear to listen. We should be able to turn to our closest friends or family members and be able to rely on their words of comfort and reason, and positive and supportive ways. But what does one do when we do not have that positive support from those closest to us? Who do we turn to and how does this affect our decision?
Any individual/person with a dream or goal, makes choices in life that may not be choices that all will agree with, however, true friends and family members who are there for us and support us, will always be there no matter what and stand behind w
hat we choose to do. Right? But what do we do when there is no one there and no one believes in what we are doing? Do we stop and give up or give in to what they are saying, or do we listen to their reasons and still pursue the dream? How do you decide, and emotionally, are you able to deal with the possibility of not having any support?
It seems that those of us who choose goals and dreams that are not seen as everyday or 'normal' are faced with a backlash of opinions and why is that? Is it jealousy, concern, experience, love or resentment? Any athlete or competitor knows that there will always be a group of people who do not 'agree' with what we do or are choosing to do. That is to be expected. But when it is on a closer and personal level, it can have a profound affect on us emotionally and mentally. Being an athlete/competitor in the fitness industry tends to draw feedback that is not the greatest, slightly negative in nature more often than not. But why is that? People's perceptions of what we do and how we live are all altered by what they think they know or believe we do, and also by what they assume one must do to achieve that level of fitness strength and ability. It also seems to come from opinions or talk from those that think they know what it is all about.
I know I am not alone when it comes to this topic of support and experiencing the good and the bad side of it. I still remember when I made the choice to compete in bodybuilding. First of all, the responses I got around the idea of competing provided me with a mixed bag result, but when many of those 'supporters' found out it was bodybuilding, that 'support' turned so negative so fast, it was actually hurtful and painful to hear. My parents and most of my male friends were the only ones that provided me with positive support and encouragement along the whole journey and in truth, that is what kept me going. They only shared with me their concerns over my health and well being, but said that they are behind me all the way if this was something that I honestly wanted to pursue. My mom was just scared for my health and how I would look. My dad was always bragging about his daughter with the muscles and my guy friends thought it was the best thing to have a female friend who was as strong or stronger than them.
It was my group of female friends that I received so much negativity from, and anger, that in the end, it actually ended up with many of those friendships breaking. I still remember to this day, what IFBB Pro Mboya Edwards had said to me on competing and being mentally ready for all that comes with it. He had said to me that bodybuilding is a lonely and selfish sport, and that it is here you will see who your real friends are. Funny enough, he is and was so right. I heard everything from why do I want to look like a man, to you will be so ugly because muscles are gross and then the favourite of don't you want to get married and have kids? Yes, that is what many of the friends believed was the ultimate goal of any female. I even had friends tell me that I was being so selfish because they could only see m
e if it worked between my eating, training and napping times. But it was okay for them to tell me that they could not get together when they had to work around the schedule of their new baby. It is funny, I do not remember judging them or dropping them as friends when they made the choice to get married and have kids, but it is funny how quick I got blasted for choosing to compete instead of following them.
This 'support' added a whole other level of mental stress and upset to my contest prep. Like many of you already know, it is the mental that can make or break you in this industry. I do not know how I managed or how I did it, but somehow, I found a way to push them out of my mind and use that anger and loss and put it into my training and fight to win and prove them all wrong.
It is funny, no matter how many positive things were said or support shown, it would only take one comment or thought to ruin my day. When looking back on my choice to compete, sticking to it and losing 'friends' along the way, I can say now that I do not regret my decision or choice. I am not here to live my life through other people or other people's views and opinions. I am here to do what is right for me and what I want to do. I think if I had folded and listened to all the nay sayers, I would regret never having stepped on stage. That experience, rush and end result of a win, made it all worth while because I was able to prove them wrong. I had found this inner peace with myself and my decisions.
I have heard, read, and met many female competitors from all classes that have had similar or some even worse experiences when they announced their wish, dream and choice to compete. Many have pulled through successfully and were able to move on past the upset or loss, and then there were those that thought they did, but mentally it did have a profound affect on their prep and results. Those competitors who have had positive support all the way from friends and family, seem to be the lucky ones. I do not want to say or believe that they are rare, but in truth, they might be. I remember being at the 2011 Olympia and seeing IFBB Pro Fitness competitor Jodi Boam on stage and off to the side, her mom and dad. The cheering, excitement and support were so overwhelming to even me, that my eyes teared up. Being able to see that, the huge hug that Jodi's mom gave her as she stepped off stage and the tears...made me wish that every competitor has that type of support. Unfortunately, like in life, not everything is perfect or positive.
No matter what one does in life, there will always be those that support or choose not to. There will always be the good and the bad, but it is how you as an individual are able to take these situations and circumstances and push through that shows your true strength. It makes a huge difference when you are surrounded by positive supports through family and friends, but even if not everyone is on board with your dream or decision, seek out those that do support and believe in you and know that you are doing what is right for you. After all, you are not living your life and dreams for someone else...you are doing it for you.
