Emotional Eating Disorders
Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder in the United States affecting 3.5% of females and 2% of males and is prevalent in up to 30% of those seeking weight loss treatments. (Although it is not yet classified as a separate eating disorder) The thing about Binge Eating Disorder or Emotional Eating isn't that it is a nutrition problem, it is a mental and psychological issues that may be far deeper rooted than one would be prepared to face.
For as long as I can remember, food has always been the predictor of my happiness. I blame it somewhat on my childhood. As a baby, my Mom said that when I was upset about something, but she was busy, she'd give me a snack...usually a fudgesicle. She said I would sit there for about an hour working on that thing...And it somehow calmed me down.
Growing up, I had the child hood like everyone else, ups and downs, and often times instability. My dad worked full time and was hardly home, and my Mom the same. I never had any one over seeing what I would eat. I would go to school, eat whatever was there, come home from school and plop my chunky butt in front of the TV dining on Doritos and Kudos Candy "Health Bars" till dinner, then I would have a bowl of ice cream before bed. Life was good, I was a chubby bunny.
As I grew older, lots of things started to change in my life, but the one thing that never changed, was the sure given fact that I knew food would always comfort me and make me happy. So it began that I learned my 'coping' mechanism wasn't athletics, sports, or reaching out to friends. It was protecting me in my house, with food.
I definitely longed to be healthy and thin like the other girls, often times trying different fad diets that worked and failed, only to return to what I knew. Food. Lots of it. Hopefully filled with sugar. Finally, I found a diet that worked for me (Atkins at the time) and banned sugar and carbs and lost 60lbs in one summer. It felt amazing.
Finally everyone liked me, and I felt like I 'fit it'...the only problem is...just because the cooler people like you, doesn't make it easier, it just makes it the same, with hotter people. I returned to food to cope. I ate when I was happy; I ate when I was sad. I ate when I felt lonely, bored, busy...it didn't matter. FOOD was my best friend. It sounds so pathetic, but looking back now, after I have changed, I realize how terrible it felt to be trapped by this tormentor.
Years passed and I got into bodybuilding after my mom passed away at age 24. I decided I had to change my life for the better and the better was bodybuilding for me. I found the first coach and went at it. Sure I lost weight, I “followed” the diet, and I learned how to exercise properly and work out, but what I didn't learn...is how to cope WITH OUT FOOD. When I lost weight, I'd reward myself with food. When I gained weight, I felt discouraged so would eat food. Kind of ironic isn't it?
To cope doesn't mean that you need it when you're sad. It is your 'go to' in life.
So once the diet got harder and the stress got more demanding, what did I do? You got it, binged on food. PURE SUGAR COMA BLISS!
This went on for a few years, extreme diets to extreme sugar binges. All or Nothing 24/7...
Until one night I woke up at 2am (after 5 days of only eating 800cals / day consisting of 5 meals of 40g protein each, no fat, no carbs) to sleep walk into the kitchen and get out a bag of brown sugar and began to eat it with a spoon. Easily eating the whole bag; then going back to sleep.
Obviously I needed some help.
I began to look into "Over Eaters Anonymous"...I attended meetings and learned everything I could, but the facts are, it still didn't work. I literally felt like I was screwed for life. Destined to always be controlled by the power of food, like it would CALL to me. I would "hide" food in my apartment trying to outsmart myself so I could save it for a cheat meal...but that somehow made it even worse, knowing that it was 'forbidden' until 'cheat meal'. I constantly felt like I was carrying around a 50lb sack of sand on my shoulders, never to be free....and most of all NORMAL. I would cry at how embarrassed I was, I felt like such a fool. Some "bodybuilder" I was...
Finally I began to trust coaches again, devoted to learn this time. I hired someone that was very reputable in the business and who I have heard marvelous things about. Well one thing led to another and we ended up living together. Little did I know, this was the best thing that ever happened to me in terms of my over eating disorder.
Just like any other relationship there were ups and downs. The only difference was, during the downs, since I lived with him, I could no longer use 'food' to deal with the downs. I had to find other ways to cope and de-stress. I literally would stand in front of the fridge and tell myself, "Food will not fix your problems."
At first this wasn't easy. It has been my 'drug of choice' for 26 years. But repeatedly having to say to myself 'food will not fix this', and forcing myself to go for a walk, get outside and really REFLECT on the situation, instead of 'burying it under the rug in food', I re-taught myself how to get through emotional times without eating. At the time, I wasn't really thinking about how I would change 'long term', I just wanted to fix things in 'that moment'...not realizing that I was really setting the foundation for something greater than I would have imagined. I was curing myself a little every day.
After about 3 months of this, it just became second nature. If anything happened in my life, I had my 'go to' card with a list of the top 5 things that comforted me the most. It also helped that I just got a new puppy that needed a lot of walks and love. But that really was my saving grace. To consistently repeat 'food will not fix this' every time I would want to emotionally eat. They say it takes 28days to turn something into a habit, but I think it takes as long as you need to finally no longer feel you 'need' to do anything.
Of course we all can't have that live in coach but we do all have someone in our lives that is our support system. And that person should be utilized! The first step is to realizing you have an issue. The second is to put the work to WORK.
Like I've said in my previous article, "How to Handle Stress While on Your Diet", "You can’t solve your problems with food; oil prices aren’t going to drop, the war isn’t going to be over and the job market isn’t going to increase if everyone started to eat junk food (more so than they already are) …the same goes with your personal issues." (Located: http://forums.rxmuscle.com/showthread.php?t=57754)
The real test came of Thanksgiving this year and I finally realize just how far I have come. Previous Thanksgivings (and holidays in general) were a complete nightmare internally for me. While everyone would be relaxed and genuinely enjoying themselves, I would be in a panic thinking of how much I was going to eat almost involuntarily. I would get to the party and though I had decided to give myself the 'cheat meal' it always ended up a total cheat DAY BINGE. It was like I felt the world was going to end and they were going to stop making ho-hos.
While everyone was partaking in treats till 'satisfied' I was trying to see how much food I could eat, god knows I only had THAT ONE DAY to make it happen. But then, it’s funny, the days go on, and you do get another cheat meal. That is also something to learn. To cheat 'responsibly'. To know and work on making the connection that this truly will not be the last cheat meal you will ever eat. That in itself is huge.
This year however was entirely different. I arrived with a happy and care free heart. Happy to be with my friends and not even thinking about the food which was to be eatten. I made a 'normal' sized plate for myself with all the fixings, and later enjoyed a slice of pie. When offered seconds, I was far too full and turned it down, where as in the past, I wouldn’t be able to relax until I was sure I had eaten 'enough'. This year I left feeling satisfied and content instead of gluttonous and depressed.
It wasn't until the next day seeing all my friends talk about how full they were still, and how they gained 5lbs over night, and me seeing I actually lost a half pound, that it all came to light.
Consistently making little changes daily, and repeated motivational statements like 'food will not fix this', I had overcome my extreme binge eating emotional eating disorder and was FINALLY FREE from feeling controlled by food.
It might sound trivial to some who have never experienced an eating disorder, but to anyone who has suffered from anorexia, bulimia, over eating, binge eating, or any other 'uncontrollable' feeling towards food, must realize what a true accomplishment this is.
In short...Realize that no one day is insignificant. Each day, each choice matters. Each time you change your thought process to go to a new coping mechanism, is a brick in the house of strength, and you build that house larger EVERY DAY.
It’s not easy, and it doesn't happen overnight, but you can get there. I never thought I would ever be able to control my issues with food, but I can finally say that food no longer controls my emotional state. I do.
Christy Lauren Poole
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